Cooperative Living February 2014 - 42

RURAL LIVING by Margo Oxendine, Contributing Columnist
SI, PHIL
AND THE
DAFT DUCK
DYNASTY
have a good friend who does not
hunt, fish, wear camouflage or eat
fried squirrel's brains.
Thus, I was perplexed one Wednesday
night when she called and urged me to
watch " Duck Dynasty " on A&E.
I didn't think I'd be the least bit
I
interested; still, always willing to try new
things - especially if they require sitting
in my chair - I tuned into the show.
The episode pitted the constantly
competing brothers Willie and Jase in a
" fish off, " seeing who could snag the
most fish and sell them alongside the
road.
I was not impressed.
" I'll give this show five minutes, "
declared my skeptical self.
I think it took, oh, four minutes to
become hopelessly hooked. Pardon the
pun.
Who knew I'd find proudly proclaimed
" rednecks " amusing and attractive?
Who knew I'd develop a crush on a
man with a big, bushy beard, who loves
to gig and eat bullfrogs? Who knew I'd
eventually come to believe I wanted to
40
drive to Monroe, La. and just hang
around, hoping to catch a glimpse of
patriarch Phil Robertson, his lovely
wife Miss Kay, his hilarious brother
" Uncle Si, " and their several sons,
especially the aforementioned Jase
Robertson?
Apparently, I'm not the only one
with such avid feelings. " Duck
Dynasty " has become the most popular
TV show in America. And if you think
that's weird, well, just wait till they can
watch it in, say, France!
I was startled during the preChristmas
shopping season to round a
bend in Walmart and bump into Willie
smiling at me. The life-sized cardboard
cutout was by no means the only likeness
of the Robertsons in the store.
Their faces adorned
bath towels, car mats
and the ubiquitous
T-shirts.
I swear to you,
there is a belly-laugh
every minute or two
on this show.
Sometimes, I've
laughed until tears
rolled down my face. I
have hooted so loudly,
I scared little Brownie.
Take the episode
where Willie - CEO
Willie was reduced to doling out $20
bills from his wallet. And Uncle Si, the
snarly elf, told the children a story about
how one winter it was so cold, Santa had
to kill and eat his reindeer. There were a
lot of tears in the church social hall that
afternoon. And a lot of tears running
down my cheeks, as I held my side and
screamed out loud.
Then there was the time when Uncle
of the family's multimillion-dollar
duckcall
manufacturing
business, " Duck
Commander " -
played Santa Claus for
little children at a church party. Uncle
Si, as Santa's grumpy elf, is so good, I've
" protected " it on my DVR. That way, I
can watch it if ever I'm feeling down or
out of sorts. Willie had good intentions,
but he made one big mistake: He put Si
in charge of bringing the gifts that
Santa would hand from his sack to the
excited kids. Si grabbed whatever he
could find at the company headquarters.
Thus, a 5-year-old who wanted an
electronic robot toy received a stapler
instead. A first-grade girl who wanted
" a pink Barbie " received a Costco-sized
package of Styrofoam coffee cups.
Finally, the kids were so upset, Santa
'Uncle Si, the
snarly elf,
told the children
a story about
how one winter
it was so cold,
Santa had
to kill and eat
his reindeer.'
Si (he's often the catalyst for whatever
ridiculous premise the show features
each week) couldn't get his retriever to
hunt. The dog would race after the duck
they shot, and then eat it himself.
Si was determined to find the perfect,
obedient hunting dog. Keep in mind,
these people and their closest friends are
always in camo gear, often with black
grease smeared on their
faces, and deer urine
spritzed on their
hunting togs.
You can imagine, then,
the stir Si created when
he showed up with his
new hunting dog: a perfectly
groomed standard
poodle, apricot in color.
Turns out, that dog
could hunt!
There was a big
hubbub recently about
patriarch Phil. His publicist
made a fatal mistake:
granting an interview
with GQ magazine.
In it, Phil proclaims his
redneck philosophy
about gays. A&E
promptly banned Phil from the show.
Naturally, with Phil out, all Robertsons
refused to appear. We came quite close
to losing our Wednesday diversion.
What other opinion would America
expect, really, from a man who, despite
his master's degree, refers to his own
daughters-in-law as " yuppie girls " ? Well,
millions of viewers created quite the
hubbub of their own; " Duck Dynasty "
is back on the air with Phil at the family
helm. As Uncle Si might say, GQ yuppies
ain't happy, Jack! 
To order Margo Oxendine's A Party of One,
email recorder@htcnet.org, or call 540-4682147
Monday-Thursday from 9-5.
Cooperative Living/February 2014
Cooperative Living February 2014

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