Cooperative Living May 2016 - 42

Rural Living | by Margo Oxendine, Contributing Columnist
When Bathroom Beauty and
Recovery from Surgery Collide
I took many wonderful bubble baths in my pale pink tub. I'd lounge in there
for hours. But then, my knees began to go. The last time I lolled around in
my tub, about 10:30 at night, I discovered I could not get out of the thing.
his happened about a year ago, but I
found myself telling the tale again
just yesterday. It is a story that
always elicits laughter ... at my expense.
As is often the case, the joke's on me.
About four years ago, I decided to do
something I'd been desperate to do:
Remodel an ugly 1970s bathroom. If it is
possible to detest a bathroom, I truly
detested this one.
There was a cracked acrylic tub and
shower, with a plastic " surround. " It was
ghastly. Just like the awful fixtures. The
floor was covered with dingy orange-andbrown
linoleum. If I have two leastfavorite
colors, they are orange and brown.
I own nothing that is orange. Or brown. I
am a turquoise, pink and lavender girl.
The bathroom walls sported this icky
wallpaper. It was beige and baby blue.
While I adore turquoise and aqua, I do not
like baby blue. And beige? Whoever cites
beige as their favorite color?
When my dear mother was alive,
this was her bathroom. I avoided entering
the ugly place unless it was absolutely
necessary.
But dear Mom is gone. I often wonder
what she would think of the changes I've
made to her house. First off, I had the
ugly orange-and-brown linoleum ripped
off the kitchen floor, and replaced it with
black-and-white checkerboard tiles.
Then, I painted everything pink and
turquoise. I even had an artist paint the
useless big vent over the stove white, and
then create a tropical scene, complete
with palm trees and flamingos. It is quite
the conversation piece.
So: It was time to do much the same
to Mom's old bathroom. I cannot break
away from the tropical themes and colors
I embraced while living in Key West.
40 | Cooperative Living | May 2016
T
I haven't been back to the island in years,
but that doesn't stop me from painting
everything in sight turquoise or pink,
and then festooning it with flamingos,
shells and palm trees. It makes me
happy. I guess, like my old friend Jimmy
Buffett, " I've got a Caribbean
soul I can barely control. "
I hired a contractor
who charged an
hourly rate, and
spent much of it
talking. He
estimated the
bathroom re-do
would take two
weeks. As it
turned out, I
spent six weeks
with a toilet sitting
in the middle of my
living room floor.
He expertly re-glazed an
What to do? Call the rescue squad for
extrication? I had a phone handy, and
considered that. Bad idea. Did I really
want a team of local folks tramping into
my bathroom and hauling my naked
keister out of the tub? Imagine the stories
they would tell!
What to do?
Call the rescue squad
for extrication? I had
a phone handy,
and considered that.
Bad idea.
old bathtub that had for years been
a cattle trough. I now had a pale pink
claw-foot tub - my dream! I had him
paint the walls a warm sand color, and
aqua, with touches of pale pink to match
the tub. The floor was re-tiled in black
and white. I hung a bunch of tropical art
in there - flamingos, parrots, palm trees
- and scattered some Sanibel shells
around. Voila! My dream bathroom
awaited!
I took many wonderful bubble baths
in my pale pink tub. I'd lounge in there
for hours. But then, my knees began to
go. The last time I lolled around in my
tub, about 10:30 at night, I discovered I
could not get out of the thing. My knees
would not bend enough to do it. Thus, I
was stuck in my dream bathtub. Naked.
Late at night.
I considered my
neighbors. One is a
close friend and
reporter colleague.
Our closeness
aside, I didn't
think this was
something he
wanted any part
of. Another - a
woman - was
probably strong
enough to do it,
and has a sense of
humor. Yet, she was
recuperating from illness. I
considered calling a friend or two
who live close by, but they are slim girls
who just didn't seem up to the task.
I sat there until the water cooled,
and then said, OK. It's going to hurt
something awful. You're going to scream.
But, you must do it yourself. And I did.
It hurt something awful. I did scream.
And, I haven't been back in my dream
tub since.
My second knee was replaced in midMarch.
I am on the mend. I yearn to walk
in the woods again. But, I especially yearn
to take a bubble bath. And then hop out
of my dream tub. 
To order Margo Oxendine's A Party
of One, email recorder@ htcnet.org,
or call 540-468-2147 Monday-Thursday
from 9-5.
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Cooperative Living May 2016

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