Cooperative Living September 2017 - 42

Rural Living | by Margo Oxendine, Contributing Columnist
Sneaky snakes: Or,
how to cure hiccups
I've developed this irrational fear of finding a snake inside my
house. It's one of the last things I think before I fall asleep:
What if a snake gets in the house?
T
hank heavens, summer is
almost over.
Every summer, we seem to be
plagued with a plethora of pesky things.
This summer, there were ticks, and those
armored, mid-sized ants and ... snakes.
I am happy to have had no interaction
with ticks this year, although they do find
me attractive. The armored ants must be
stomped on twice before they die. And
snakes? I've seen several of them, looking
outside from the safety of my porch screen.
A friend actually encountered two of them,
just getting from my back door to her car.
I keep a sharp eye out for them.
I've developed this irrational fear of
finding a snake inside my house. It's one
of the last things I think before I fall
asleep: What if a snake gets in the house?
Well, my big fear was realized one
recent summer afternoon. I'd been up to
take a photo of the fab Bath County Art
Show. The show volunteers had donuts,
so I grabbed one to take home.
I happily walked in my door,
clutching a donut in a greasy napkin.
Lunch was served!
I stepped into the dining room and
stopped, frozen in my tracks: There was a
snake. Inside the house. Slithering toward
me. Gad! I had to inch in front of it to grab
the phone. I couldn't take my eyes off the
snake to find the phone book, so I called
the sheriff's office. It pays to have the
sheriff's number memorized. The
dispatcher seemed unperturbed.
" What kind of snake is it? " he inquired.
" I don't know! It's not carrying an ID! "
He told me to call animal control. I
asked him for the number. I called.
Sharrie Woodzell answered. Now, I
know Sharrie to be a fearless girl. She
and her cohort Robbie Chestnut once
dislodged a cluster of six bats from my
window. Sharrie said she'd head to my
place forthwith.
40 | Cooperative Living | September 2017
I stood there, still frozen in place.
I'm sure it wasn't more than 10 minutes,
but the wait for my rescuer seemed
to take much, much longer. I watched
the snake slither under one chest, and
then behind a fan. It is very important
to keep one's eyes on the snake.
God forbid it can't be
found, yet you know
it's somewhere
inside the
house, lurking.
Sharrie arrived
with a big bucket
that had a lid
I may never leave my front door
open again.
I stepped into the
and a long,
heavy-duty
" grabber, " like
the kind I use to
reach something
from under the
bed. I was startled to
see she was wearing
shorts - not the attire I
would choose to do battle
with a snake; yet I'm glad she didn't
take time to suit up in armor of
some sort.
dining room and stopped,
frozen in my tracks: There
was a snake. Inside the
house. Slithering toward
me. Gad!
That night, I had dinner with a
friend who's a naturalist. (Is it
naturalist? Or naturist? I'm never quite
sure, but I'm thinking of the one who is
not naked.) He told me that one out
of two houses in Bath
County has a black
snake living inside it.
We just never see
them, he said.
Gad!
I began to
wonder just
how long that
garter snake
had been
creeping
around inside
my house.
As my friend
and I sat on the
screened porch after
dinner, I developed
I pointed behind the fan, where I'd
last seen the slithery thing, and sure
enough, there it was. Sharrie wrestled
the writhing reptile and dropped it into
the bucket.
" Hand me that lid! "
I did. The lid was clapped on top of
the bucket, trapping the snake inside.
The bucket thumped and jostled around.
" He's a frisky little feller, "
Sharrie observed.
The snake safely ensconced, she
and I toured the house, trying to figure
out where it might have found ingress.
Turns out, she says, they can get
through the smallest openings. She
pointed out a tiny gap in the front door.
That's probably how, she observed.
the hiccups.
And suddenly, my friend alerted on
something behind my chair.
" Don't move! " he ordered. " There's
a snake right behind you. "
" Is it coming from inside the house? "
I quavered, quaking with fear.
He leapt up. And then he laughed
out loud.
" I'll bet your hiccups are gone, "
he said.
And he was right. He'd scared them
right out of me.
Now, if I could only get to sleep
at night ... 
To read more of Margo's columns, order
A Party of One. Call 540-468-2147
from 9-5, Monday-Thursday, or email:
recorder@htcnet.org.
www.co-opliving.com
http://www.co-opliving.com
Cooperative Living September 2017

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of Cooperative Living September 2017
